Last year I wrote about church, and how it’s not a place you’ll find me on Mother’s Day. That sentiment still rings true for me because Mother’s Day always lands on a Sunday, church day.
Church is usually an exciting, joyful experience, with this one exception.
I’ve just learned that for myself, I can’t handle the “mom talk” that pastors usually do on this day, so I skip it.
If this is your first Mother’s Day or your 40th without a mom, you might agree that it still hurts just as much. Even though it is a contrived holiday by the greeting card industry, it still makes us feel like we can’t contribute and that we are missing out when we don’t have a mom to buy a gift or a card for.
I’ve found that it is best for me to stay busy on this day. Since I skip church, I have for the past few years hosted a brunch for my “surrogate mums,” the women in my life who I regard as mother figures. I am lucky to have a few of them.
If you have these type of women in your life, I encourage you to celebrate them – even if they don’t know you think of them this way. It will make them so happy to know that they can be that for you.
This year, bagels are on the menu. Every year I try to do something that represents my mom- something that she would have loved. My family gathers like this all of the time, so I make sure that this meal is extra special and I take weeks to plan decorations and party favors.
I’m also inviting friends this year. I am usually a private person when it comes to my pain and my grief, but when it comes to celebrating, I like to include friends so that they can know that I am doing well, and it helps keep me distracted from the onset emotions that I might feel that day.
You might not be at this point yet in your journey without a mom. I am 5 years without her, and it still feels like yesterday. I asked my cousin, who lost her mom 40 years ago if Mother’s Day was ever hard for her.
She said that every day was hard.
See, Mother’s Day is just another day if you take the gifts and cards away. Your missing her is going to hurt just as much on May 7th and 9th as it is on the 8th.
Just remember to remember her. Send a smile her way, and maybe do something small to recognize her or treat yourself to something so that the feeling of missing out is a little less obvious.